mmmhellooo?

Alcoholics Anonymous

Betty finds a higher power through AA.

Big Love

Fortified by a Texas-size cocktail, Betty spills the beans about her former "impostate" lifestyle as a female polygamist. (Hmm, did she say LDS or LSD?) Betty, God only knows what we'd be without you, sister wife!

Betty Decides

Betty decides it's a good idea to keep ties with the Mormon and Catholic churches.

United Church of Christ

Has Betty finally found a church?

Tilton

Betty speaks out on Robert Tilton.

Islam

Betty visits a mosque. I wish I hadn't a had so much sausage for breakfast that day.

Testimony

I want a church where they lay on of hands and heal people but that you don't have to give your address because it's that followup that I hate.

Scientology

They said, "Betty, you have all kinda M-grams in your head, and we can cure all that for $5,000." Ain't no way in hell I'm giving that woman $5,000.

Methodists

... A poor man's Presbyterians ... or else people who has left the Anglican church because they got tired of squatting ... or Baptists who'd gone back to drinkin' and didn't want to get judged.

Presbyterians

You can't sneeze in that church without about six old women bringing out casseroles.